Catch Up!

Ahhh, it's been too long...and I never even posted the news. But in my defense we did tell everyone the verdict, it happened so fast. Literally, the tech put the ultrasound wand on my belly and says do you want to know the sex...we said yes, and she said, well there it is. I thought it was a limb, sometimes the pictures can be so hard to read.


We are so excited to be having a son. Ty was smiling from ear to ear and kept asking the doctor if he was "above average"...it was really cute to see his proud moment. Our little boy has 10 fingers and 10 toes, he is healthy, and in my opinion completely happy swimming around in my tummy. In celebration, I was allowed to buy a few pieces of maternity clothing...which is much needed as my belly is growing and growing. I never realized how flat it was to begin with until we took a look at the slide show of pictures from the beginning forward. I'm really happy Ty has made me take so many pictures, even when I didn't want to...this is the best documentation and will be so much fun to look at in the future. Since I'm behind on the pictures for a few weeks, we have to play catch up and just to give you a comparison so you can really tell how big it has gotten, I've included a picture when our little boy was the size of a poppy seed. He is now a mango :0)





Life is so good and we are incredibly blessed. I've finished all my exams and passed 3 of them, now I'm just waiting for the 4th test result...keeping my fingers and toes crossed. It is so nice not dedicating every hour after work to studying, now I can focus on all things baby. There are so many decisions to make and I'm only on the car seat...but this is a fun challenge. We want to get our registry started this weekend just in case anyone wants Christmas gift ideas :0) The other huge news is that we have committed to remodeling our kitchen. Thankfully, my Dad is heading the entire project and has designed a gorgeous functional kitchen. It's nice to know that no matter how old I get, I'll always be Daddy's girl :0) It makes me excited to have a son so he can always be my boy!

Big Day!!!

Today 2 amazing things are happening and I'm not sure which one I'm more excited for!  Ultrasounds have to be the best invention for pregnant women ever! They are like a window into your baby's world. If I could live plugged into an ultrasound machine for 9 months I would, haha. The feeling that you experiance when you get to see your baby is so incredible...and it's been a while since we have gotten a sneak peak into Baby Franco's world. In fact, Baby Franco has doubled in size since the last time I got to see him/her doing somersaults in my tummy. At 5 inches long and 3.5 ounces, baby fat is starting to accumulate...we have graduated to a turnip during week 17 :0)

Today is also the big reveal day...where we find out if we are having a boy or girl! As much as I think it would be a fun surprise, the instant gratification in me wants to know now :0) That way the next 5 months will be full of "him" or "her"...So much to plan, so much to do for baby's arrival. AHHHH it feels like Christmas...but we are getting the best surprise of our life. It seams that almost everyone thinks we are having a boy, from the way I'm carrying, to no morning sickness, and other old wives tales. I honestly have no clue but I know that either way we are winning. We can't go wrong!

Yay! Sooo....check back in a few hours because we will know by then....ahhh, I have butterflies!

First Movements at 16 weeks

The first time I felt you move was in the middle of a discussion on tax compliance with my boss. It was the strangest feeling and at that time I had no idea what it was. It didn't feel like gas or hunger pains, it wasn't cramping from my insides shifting, it was a very distinguishable feeling on my right side, but I just couldn't place it. It went as fast as it came and I didn't think anything of it, so many things feel different during pregnancy. However, the feeling came again that same night as I was sitting at my desk studying, but this time it was on my left side. It startled me and then I started thinking...could this be my little one sending me a message in baby code. So, I did what every first time prego girl would do, I called a prego friend. She is much further along than I and immediately agreed that it was the baby and not some strange pain. 

I've been in love with you before you were ever a "you"...but this made me feel even closer. It was like you wanted me to know you were here and a part of me. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and keep it forever...my first encounter of you! I will hold onto every little nudge...soon you will get bigger and stronger so Daddy will be able to feel you too...but for now, it's our little moment that I will always remember!

"You look pregnant"

Today I walked into work and heard the words I've been waiting for..."you look pregnant"...yay! I was so excited. It started last night, I suddenly felt HUGE...like my belly was going to "pop". I waited for my hubby to confirm it when he got home from College, and he agreed, it was bigger than it ever has been. So here is the big reveal...sorry for the weird smile in the second picture. I was so excited :0)





3 more weeks till we can finally say boy or girl...I've been dreaming it's a boy lately, hmm...we shall just have to wait and see

Baby Franco's First Halloween!

Of course no one could see Baby Franco's costume, but it was her/his birthday suit! Hehe...Today is Halloween...and we spent the day studying, excitedly waiting to pass out candy and see all the costumes. Sadly, we didn't have many kids come by this year (or last) but I did see my favorite costume...putting a wig on a 4 year old transforms a cute costume into a great costume...she had so much hair on her little head, it was adorable. I'll have to remember that if we are have a girl...of course 4 years is a long time to go and I'll probably forget, but it was cute.

We did go to 2 costume parties last night and we wore homemade costumes...I was inspired by a shirt but it was too expensive for our baby budget, and of course I thought "I can make that"...so I let my creative side come out...and it actually turned out perfect. I can't wait to do more shirts or onesies. So here it is...


but I couldn't just stop there, so we made one for Ty too..



We used all creative resourses in these shirts, Tyson drew the shake, burger, and fries and I did the ribs...we found the baby online and traced it. Who knew the Franco's could be so creative ;0)

I'm a little behind on the blog posting, so I need to add my week 14 picture. My bump is getting bigger...baby Franco will grow 1.5 inches this week, that is the largest growth so far...he/she will be the size of a Naval Orange. I definetly think I'm showing now, but I still get the "you can't tell from others"...I guess I'm just more sensitive of my body growth, and boy is it growing. I should be "popping" soon. Yay! so excited!

13 weeks

Tonight is the last night of week 13, and I can't believe how fast time is flying.ItBaby Franco has grown to the size of a lemon (or the size of my fist)...I can't wait for our next ultrasound. I miss seeing our baby live in action...I still can't feel the baby's movements, but that should happen in a few weeks. So in between our ultrasound appointments we thought it would be fun to listen to the heartbeat. We ordered an ebay stethoscope and think we heard it but it could have been gas bubbles...lol. My belly is starting to feel bigger and I swear my belly button is already changing. I hope I "pop" soon, I can't wait to really truly look pregnant...the other day I was offered wine, I need a sign "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant", hehe.

The second trimester has been treating me well, I've been less tired but for some strange reason I've been having some serious migraines...I think they might have something to do with my eyesight changing, apparently that happens during pregnancy. The constant pounding on my office wall does not help the situation at all either (thanks to the construction work that has been being performed for the last 2 months). I have really eaten anything crazy, I think the oddest combination I had was pork dipped in balsamic vinegar with cucumbers...it was amazing. I'm not really sure where they come up with "pickles & ice cream". I'm eating my fair share of both, but never together. I don't know what really inspires pregnant women to combine very opposite ingredients...maybe that's why I'm always hungry, I can't figure out what I'm craving. I'll keep working on that. 

Tonight Ty was going organizing old pictures on the computer...and I realized that 

  We got engaged in 2008

  Married in 2009

  Pregnant in 2010 and we will 

  Have a baby in 2011! 

This has been the best 3 years of my life and I'm so excited for the coming year. I'm constantly dreaming of what our life will be like, and sometimes the dreams feel so real. I'm plannring the baby nursery in my dreams, now if I can only remember all the details. I've actually been sneaking nursery ideas browsing the internet on my study breaks...there are so many ideas and options. I can't wait until I can actually focus on that, I know I want something peaceful and serene...like a spa. We thought about the future and figured we might be stuck in this house for a while (boo) so we are going to try to keep the nursery "gender neutral" just in case Baby #1 needs to share the room with a little brother or sister down the line. This house isn't our dream home and we constantly talk about moving, but reality is that it's cheap and the market isn't coming up anytime soon. I would rather live simply and be a mom than live in a big house, ect. So I want to make it as cozy and homey as possible...a safe sanctuary for our family. I have a lot of work to do before April 28th. AHHH so excited. I think I'll go dream about our future now <3

 

First Anniversary!

I can't believe that it has been a year since we were married. I feel like it was just yesterday that we were sitting in our private bungalow on our honeymoon in Thailand reminicing about the wedding...now we are sitting in our house reminicing about the wedding and dreaming about the future. It's funny how I want time to go by fast so I can get to the next thing but then I miss the moments that are passing. For example, I ultimately can't wait untill Baby Franco is here, I constantly dream about holding our baby in my arms...but there is so much that will happen before April 28th...Baby Franco's first kick, nesting, Thanksgiving, Christmas Vacation in Cali, my growing belly, my 27th birthday, New Years in Texas, finally having CPA at the end of my name, going through labor and delivery (AHHH), the list can go on and on...  Everyone always says not to rush things and they have a good point. Our lives are so busy, full of unfun things...work, school, study...important things, but so time consuming. So for our anniversary we didn't rush anything, and enjoyed a relaxing little getaway. We had a couples massage and pedicure, ate delicous food (stone crab craving satisfied), went to the movies and stayed for another, walked by a club and thought about going in, but instead went home to snuggle. I was surprised with a gorgeous bouquet of tropical flowers waiting in our hotel room and we even went window shopping for our new someday kitchen. It was perfect.

I've often heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest...if that's the case then I feel blessed. We went through a lot the past year with all the fertility issues, but it brought us so close and made our relationship stronger...it has made me value my pregnancy and every day I have to wake up and pinch myself. It wasn't always easy, but "it's us against the world". I'm so excited for our next year of marriage...by then we will have a 6th month old...our team is growing :0) God has been so good to us!

12 Weeks (our little peach)

Almost out of the first trimester...hopefully this will be the last week of exhaustion for a little while. I'm looking forward to gaining a little more energy back in my second trimester. I swear I could sleep standing sometimes...and if I don't want to be sleeping then I want to be eating. It's a cycle...I'm running out of food ideas and nothing really seems appetizing anymore. Well, I'll never stop loving pickles but I can't live off those salty treats, so I need some new ideas. Every now and then I'll get the itching to cook a big meal, but for the most part, I want to eat when I want to eat...chicken burgers, steak, ice cream, apples and peanut butter, egg sandwiches, crab, tomatoes & avocados, these are all things I think I crave, because after I eat them I feel satisfied until 2 hours later. I'm starting to think my need for food every 2 hours correlates with the baby's need for food every 2 hours. It's hard to find healthy fast snacks but I'm determined to stay healthy and not gain a gazillion pounds. So far so good...my first trimester weight gain has been around 4-5 pounds depending on when I weigh myself...that's right in line with all the books so yay!

Yesterday we had an appointment with a specialtiy OB so they could run extra tests on Baby Franco. They did an ultrasound and blood work. Poor baby was sleeping during the ultrasound and the tech needed a different view so she was jabbing me in the belly to wake up baby who was sleeping with one arm over the head...a few minutes later baby started doing summersaults and twisting and turning in my belly. It was so amazing and special. We've been very spoiled with our ultrasounds, some women don't get one until 12 weeks, I think we've had at least 8...we've watched baby grow from a smudge to a peach, it was amazing to see the development...after seeing this its so hard for me to understand why abortion is legal...our baby is growing and developing everyday. The miracle of life is truly amazing. We are so thankful that we've been blessed with baby Franco...it's still surreal to me. My body is changing and my tummy is starting to show a little more. People who don't know would just think I'm chubby, but I'm hoping my belly will pop out soon. I'm so excited for that!

In other news, it is our 1 year anniversary on Sunday...so hard to believe that one year has gone by...it has been incredibly special and I'm still so in love! We have a special weekend planned in Ft. Lauderdale including a spa day...I'll leave the rest of the details out ;0) It can't compare to our honeymoon in Thailand, but it is a special way to escape...babies make different priorities...but we are both willing to sacrifice expensive vacations for our growing family. I'm so excited for our escape!

Here's our 12 week ultrasound picture and my belly. I'm so bloated, really I am...pregnancy doesn't bring all good side effects...if ya know what I mean...





Daddy & Mommy Franco 1 year ago

11 Weeks

Another week flew by and I feel officially accomplished...and exhausted. I took my 3rd CPA exam a few days ago and it was a doozy. My test anxiety was full force during the first section (there was 5 sections) and some of the questions were so difficult which left me clueless...so I guessed, but I'm not very confident in my guessing abilities...I don't consider myself "lucky"...my hubby and I don't gamble, I always pick the worst line at the grocery store, and almost every time we think we are doing something right, we are wrong (a.k.a. buying a house at a young age)...except of course IVF. That choice couldn't have been any better. Anyway, I have no clue how I really did on the exam and won't find out for 5-6 weeks...by that time we will know if we are having a boy or girl...which is far more important than finding out my exam grade :0) I just have one more test to go. The study marathon begins this weekend, I plan on taking the test at the end of November so I can put all this studying behind me and focus on our growing baby. I'll have a little more then a month off and then tax season will begin. Ugh, I'm so not looking forward to that...I hate it when I'm so excited for something and cannot wait for it to occur (April 28) but before that can happen you have to go through torture, tax season will be my torture. The days are long enough when it was just me, but now my last trimester will be filled with 55 hour work weeks...I'm dreading it already *sigh*

Other than studying life has been very quite around here...I had my 11 week checkup at my new OB and all is well. Next week we get another ultrasound. I'm so excited for that, Baby Franco will be 3 inches by then...I'm so amazed at the miracle of our growing baby. 

So here it is, my growing belly...it looks huge compared to last week, although I did eat a big dinner the last 2 nights so I'm definitely bloated.

Our Love Bug at 11 Weeks

10 Weeks

So today is the big reveal day! I figure if my little baby is starting to grow fingernails and hair follicles at just 2 inches, I can show off my belly (bloat). It's amazing that I've only gained 3 pounds but NONE of my regular pants fit anymore. My wardrobe has slowly been shrinking the past few weeks, and last weekend I finally made the plunge into the maternity world...and it was a great decision. There is a lot of hideous uncomfortable maternity clothing out their, but if you look hard enough, you can find some very good pieces...mainly from Gap Maternity and Old Navy Maternity. So I'm back in the world of comfort...and only 2 more weeks until my second trimester.  YaY I hear the 2nd trimester is the best, but I really can't complain, I haven't suffered from terrible morning sickness, just pure exhaustion. Bed is my favorite place to be right now, in fact I'm typing this from bed :0) Sometimes the lack of morning sickness makes me feel like I might be making all this up, but then I get to hear the heartbeat and see my baby I am relieved. The most recent ultrasound we got to see the baby dancing, I wish we had brought the video because it was the cutest thing ever...but here is a picture at 9 weeks 4 days...





<3 Our Love Bug <3

8 weeks 4 days

Time is really going fast, I can't believe I'm already 8 weeks 4 days, and I haven't written on here in over a week. Life has been busy and I've been trying to study as much as possible. My CPA exam is in 2 weeks and I'm so nervous about it. Studying while pregnant after using my brain all day long is not as easy as I expected...I'm exhausted! Maybe it's the lack of motivation I'm suddenly feeling, almost like a question keeps ringing in my ears...is this what you want to do with the rest of your life? Be stuck in an office working for a company who could really care less about my happiness?

Work has not been kind to me...things have been changing ever since they learned we were going through fertility treatments to get pregnant. I thought honesty was the best policy so I told them up front. I knew we would have a lot of doctors appointments and I thought it would be best if they knew... boy was I wrong. I went from being a valued employee to being questioned and treated differently. I'm serious about this....and it is horrible. I wish I could change it.... I would have kept our precious little secret to ourselves as long as possible. I always think people in the corporate world care, and every time I get burned. I guess not everyone can be excited for our little miracle but the negativity is taking a toll. And all the crazy hormones going through my body are making it 10 times worse. Finding a new job in this economy is difficult enough, but finding a new job pregnant... is daunting. Questioning my entire career choice is even worse!

I have worked my way from the bottom up (believe me, scanning and coping out of college for the same money as working at a dry cleaners was not what I thought a college degree would get me). I am along way from those days, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm missing the "do something with my life"...so now I'm questioning it all...ugh.

I wish the answer would fall out of the sky, is money worth the misery? It feels like it when you know you have a baby on the way. I want to be able to provide everything and anything his/her little heart desires but even more than giving material things in this world, I want to be the one that is there to raise our miracle...not hear about it from the nanny.

So now I must think of a solution to my career dilemma... find the perfect work from home job so I can be there for our baby and contribute to the bank. There is always bookkeeping...or even better...writing. Maybe I should have majored in journalism. *sigh* It is what it is, and I will just have to keep trusting that God will provide. I'm going to learn something from this experience...maybe it's that not everyone will like me or appreciate all the hard work that I do. Not everyone cares...and I should be okay with that.

I refuse to let anyone take away the joy that our new baby is bringing to our lives. And tomorrow we get to see him/her in another ultrasound. Yay! So excited :0)

PS: To all my worried family members, please don't worry...I'm still getting my CPA...I haven't worked this hard for it...I will have initials on the end of my name before our baby is born :0)

Ultrasound #2

We went in for our 2nd ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days and it was even more amazing then the 1st! My darling hubby met me at the doctors office right on time, with video camera in hand. You can never have too much documentation of a good thing, he is making sure this is all on camera and video, while I'm putting it all in writing...we make a good team. When it's time to do the ultrasound I couldn't actually see the screen. It made me so nervous not knowing what was going on, it felt like forever but in reality it was only a minute. I think she just wants to check on the baby before she lets me see him/her, but I'm probably reading into the entire process too much.

She did the measurements of the yolk sack (still a good size) and measures the baby. I had no clue but they can actually get a measurement of the baby that will tell them how many days old the baby was...it's not always accurate and every baby grows different. For example, the first measurement she took had the baby measuring at 6 weeks 2 days, which kinda scared me because I was 6 weeks 6 days, and in the baby's world a lot can happen in a day. She took a second measurement at the end of our appointment, and the baby measured 6 weeks 6 days, perfectly on schedule. I guess the moral of that story is not to rely to heavily on these tests, everything can change from a different angle.

After the measurements we were able to hear the heartbeat. For such a tiny little baby, now the size of a raspberry (.5 inch), the heartbeat was so strong. It was beating at 129 beats a minute, which is very healthy. It was the most amazing sound and I cannot wait till he/she gets bigger so we can get a stethoscope and listen at home. This week all the joints are forming and the arms and leg buds are forming...I love learning the science behind this. It's funny, because I would think that all expectant mothers would want to know what stage their baby is in, but I was talking to a girl about pregnancy, explaining where we are at, and she said "wow, your really into this". It really surprised me and also made me think about all the unplanned and uncared for pregnancies in the world. The fact that some states allow abortions up to 20+ weeks...that makes me sad.

But our little raspberry is doing very good, and so am I. No puking yet, and I'm hoping and praying it won't start. I get nauseous, kind of like a hangover feeling when you want to puke but don't. It goes away if I eat something so I try to snack in between meals. I'm not complaining in the slightest...I absolutely love being pregnant!

Baby Franco

We had my first ultrasound at six weeks and we got to see our little baby Franco's heartbeat! It is absolutely amazing that at just 6 weeks and a quarter of an inch (now the size of a blueberry) our baby's heart is beating and this week will be full of brain growth. Such a miracle.

In the midsts of all our joy over the first heartbeat we saw, we were saddened to learn that we only have one...don't get me wrong, we are both so very thankful and feel totally blessed with our One...but we grew attached to both of our embryos over the last few weeks, so it was hard to hear that our second didn't make it. It broke my heart to see how sad my hubby's face was when the doctor said one, and I think the hardest part was telling everyone else that we are having one. Most people don't even tell others they are pregnant until the 12 week just to be safe, and now I understand. We have been very open and honest with our family and friends in this process, including our excitement for possible twins, so that made it harder for us... And to be completely honest, their was a moment that we (hubby and I) thought maybe embryo #2 could be hiding behind #1...but its just wishful thinking. We know God's plans are greater than our own...and we are so very thankful for our one precious little blueberry.

I wanted to share the best part of this process, the ultrasound...because I was only 6 weeks pregnant it was still too early to measure a heartbeat and hard to see the it too. The doctor had me hold my breath so I was completely still and then you can see the flicker. I keep watching and re-watching, I'm so amazed. Our next ultrasound is on Wednesday and we will be able to get a measurement of the heartbeat and even hear it...I'm so excited!

Sweet Pea or Sweet Peas?

The last few weeks I've been referring to our pregnancy as babies/baby. And tomorrow we will officially find out if we have 2 peas in a pod or one singleton. I'm excited for either outcome, and will feel doubly blessed if we have twins, but part of me will be sad, because I know we started with 2 embies and I feel attached to both of them...but this is all in God's plan so I will trust Him.

So far no morning sickness just exhaustion and when I'm hungry, I'm starved. There are those other side affects that aren't blog appropriate, haha. But I love every symptom because it makes it all feel real. Week 5 has been very important, the baby/ies heart is developing and tomorrow we might get to hear it...I just know I'm going to cry...

Can't wait for our special moment. YAYAYAYAYAY!

Beta #3

When I first read the word beta on the infertility website blogs I thought it was the name and number assigned to each embryo and I used to wonder how they could pinpoint the embryo when they were only a few weeks old, if that, and their were multiples...some women had 4 betas so I'm thinking they were pregnant with 4 babies...the things you learn after spending hours reading what other have to say...I think I've explained it before, but just as a reminder, the beta is the amount of HCG (hormone baby produces) that is contained in your blood. This number should double every 24 or maybe 48 hours (honestly can't remember and don't feel like looking it up). Well, Beta #1 was 143, Beta #2 was 411 (taken 8/23) and Beta #3 taken today, was 819! Those are great figures and very high...I have a gut feeling that there are twins in my belly...but we will confirm if my "mothers intuition" is correct a week from tomorrow, Thursday September 2 where we will take my first ultrasound. I will be 6 weeks pregnant. Connie said it might still be a little early to hear a heartbeat/s but we will confirm our number :0) I'm so excited for next week...

This week has had it's shares of ups and downs already, the good news, non-baby related, is that I passed my second CPA test, yay! 2 down 2 to go! Tyson got invited into the honors society at college (a huge accomplishment for a guy who had a high school gpa of 1.9 - not from lack of smarts, just because he never cared)...With our brain power combination, our baby/s will be so smart! The bad and ugly part of the week is that we are at war with the car dealership, we were under the impression that we bought a certified used car, now they are saying it isn't certified and our warranty is up, so of course everything starts falling apart...example - we bring it in for a gooey (melting rubber) handle, they call and inform us it is no longer under warranty, the new handle is $500 and btw, your battery is dying and it will be 270 to fix,. My hubby, being the amazing handy man he is, decides he is going to replace the battery himself and save us $150...well, I go to pick up the car, and the battery is now officially dead. Hubby is frustrated with work, I don't want to focus on anything but baby and can't muster up the stamina to go into full blown study mode, and to top it all off, I'm having some issues with a good friend. UGH...

But when I look at all of those things, and I see how blessed we are to be pregnant, I realize that it is all insignificant to the bigger picture. We will have our highs and our lows, but we need to stick together...I always like to say "it's us against the world"...and now our "us" includes very special embies that don't want their mommy to stress about the small things...so I'll listen to my embies (and all those wonderful caring ladies who keep reminding me stress is not good) and let them hibernate in a safe and stress free environment.

Speaking of which, it's an hour past bedtime and I'm exhausted!

It's Official!

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday (8/20/10) was my blood test. I went to the office alone, thinking they would call me later with my pregnancy test results, Yolanda (front desk lady) was surprised when I walked in by myself, apparently, they would give me the results of the blood test right there...I immediately called my hubby, but he said he couldn't make it because he was at McDonalds with no car (drove with work people)...then my heart started racing...I kept thinking, o my gosh, they are going to give me the news, good or bad, and I'm going to be here alone...because He is at McDonalds!!!! I tried to convince him to get them to drop him off but he said it was too late, I should have told him earlier...well I had no idea that they would give us the news on the spot...

So after a very painful blood draw, they had to poke me twice, Connie (my wonderful nurse) told me to go and grab some breakfast, it would take 20 minutes for the blood to process...just as I was walking outside my phone rang...Tyson to the rescue, he was on his way! Thank God!!! I really didn't want to be there alone.

15 minutes later, Connie and Genevieve (my 2 nurses whom I love dearly) walked into the waiting room...my heart started pounding because I thought they both came out to give us bad news, and then Connie said Congratulations and hugged me...that's when the tears flowed...tears of joy...I cried, Connie cried, it was such an emotional moment, all those shots, side affects, and pain became a thing of the past...
It is finally official, 2 home pregnancy tests and 1 blood test later (3 BFPs), we can finally say WE ARE PREGNANT! There is no greater feeling in the world, it was better than being proposed to, sorry babe!

In the afternoon, Connie called back with the results of my beta (test to see how much HCG hormone the babies are creating). It needed to be above a 10 and it was 143...yay!!! This is supposed to keep rising so on Monday I have another blood test. We will also schedule my first ultrasound for a week or so...that's when we find out if it's twins or a singleton. At this point I'm so attached to both of our orange seeds (that's how big they are this week) that I would be sad if we lost one...don't misunderstand, I would still feel so blessed if we just have one.

I can already feel the subtle changes in my body, I can no longer sleep on my stomach because my breasts are so swollen and sensitive, when I'm hungry I feel like I'm starving, and there just aren't enough hours in the day for all the sleep I need. I love feeling all this, it makes it so real.

My potential due date is April 28...which is so ironic to me because the last 3 years I have been a bridesmaid for weddings all at the end of April, which somewhat interfered with tax season, and now I'll be having a baby...I'm starting to think April is my new favorite month!

2 week wait

This 2 week wait is killing me...and it isn't even a full 2 weeks, only 10 days...Friday is my official pregnancy test...but of course I couldn't wait to pee on a stick so I did it yesterday morning. I woke up dreaming about it, and my hubby gave me the go ahead...so we are sitting at our computers chatting waiting for the stick to finish doing its work, I looked at it over 20 times but it still kept "thinking", and then I glanced down not thinking and their it was...in big bold letters...PREGNANT! My initial reaction was shock, I mean, if I'm completely honest with myself, I've been subconsciously thinking I was pregnant before I even had the embryo transfers, just because of everything we were going through to actually get pregnant...but I was shocked when I saw the PREGNANT...I've never seen a pregnancy test say that and I was overcome with emotions!

But then the doubts start creeping into my mind...mainly - is it a false positive? After the excitement wore down and I thought about it...in reality, the hormones I took before the egg retrieval will produce a positive on any pregnancy test, some people say it takes 10-14 days for it to get out of your system. That's why the doctors make you wait for 10 days after the embryo transfer to take an official test. I took the pregnancy test 13 days after I received my trigger shot...it could be to early, but I'm just going to hold onto that positive and try to keep busy for the next 3 days.

It's not hard to stay busy, I have so much to think about and do, but my brain just keeps going back to all things baby...it's worse than ADD...but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Tyson has already started taking nightly pictures of my belly, he wants to do one of those morphing photos that you play really fast and watch the belly grow...it's his project/"baby". I'm all for it, as long as the pictures are taken at the right angle, I say document every possible thing so we can always remember. So I have to go take our nightly picture now and then I think I'm going to hit the sheets. I'm exhausted! (Yay - that's a prego sign)

Poppy Seeds

Yesterday was a complete success! The entire experience was surreal. The morning started off with a wet drive from Key Largo to Miami and we actually arrived 20 minutes early. The butterflies were in full swing as we waited for the acupuncturist to show...they told me to be well hydrated and to arrive with a full bladder, well I took that literally and drank 4 huge bottles of water and a Gatorade. My bladder was so full during the acupuncture (at the beginning) that I thought it would burst. There was nothing relaxing about it because of my bladder, the needles needed to stay in for 20 minutes and by the end I was in tears from holding it all in, there is nothing pretty about this process. From the side affects to the actual procedures, I've learned that I can't hide anything and privacy has gone out the window.

After the acupuncture I was allowed to pee 3 times, they kept sending me back to go some more (I would have to stop in the middle, 6, 9, 12 seconds at a time, stopping is not an easy task). Even after all that, I still had a full bladder. After all the partial pees, I was at least comfortable during the procedure. My doctor was amazing and explained every step. They gave us a picture of our 2 embryos/blastocysts that were transferred...they are graded a perfect A, they couldn't get any better. These little guys were fertilized by the regular IVF method (each egg received 100,000 sperm and the one sperm had to fight its way into the egg). Believe it or not, the sex is already determined at this point and our little ones are the size of a poppy seed. How incredibly amazing is that!

Here's the beautiful picture:



The outside lining is the beginning of the placenta, and the embies now have 3 distinct layers that will grow into specialized parts of our babies bodies. And guess what, the follies (what the eggs were held in) are now called the corpus luteum, it collapsed and starts to produce the hormone progesterone and estrogen. This will help nourish and support the pregnancy until the placenta takes over in about 10 weeks. In addition, I am now taking progesterone and estrogen twice a day for the next 2 months, so our babies will be well fed already! I am so amazed at the miracle of pregnancy, this entire process has been so educational and the more I learn the more amazed I become.

We were able to watch the entire transfer on the ultrasound machine. They dimmed the lights and played soft music in the background. After the procedure was over I had to lay still for 20 minutes and was place don bed rest for 48 hours. My hubby recorded the entire procedure, and he's working on editing the footage so we can share it on the blog. For now here's a picture:



The 2 embies are inside the circled area...they look like little white beans.

I've been resting for the last 2 days...I cant stop staring at my tummy and I keep thinking that every pregnancy like symptom I have is a sign, but we have to wait until Aug 20th for our prego test. So pray that our little embies implant into the uterus.

We love our Poppy Seeds!

Embryo Transfer Day

Everyday for the last 4 days I've called my personal voicemail at the doctors office hoping for info on our embies. But I didn't have a message until yesterday...the wait was driving me crazy. They scheduled my embryo transfer for today at 10:15! Hurray!! We are on our way now, it's a gloomy day, but perfect for snuggling in bed with 2 embies inside me praying for them to stick, I'll be on bed rest for 2 days so they will have the best chance. We are also increasing our chances of success by 16% as well because I am having acupunture before the transfer and right after.

Its the strangest feeling, knowing that we are finally here, I'm sooo excited but it's so hard to explain. I feel like we are going to get the greatest gift God has to offer, nothing else matters now, not the pain I went through to get here, the hell I'm going through at work, or the looming CPA in front if me. Life is too precious, and we are being blessed in the best possible way!

One thing I've learned in this process is that you do not need a child to be a parent, we have made sacrifices and have loved our future babies, and now we are on our way to get them. Our prayer is that our 2 embies stick, they nestle deep into my womb, their new home for the next nine months and grow into healthy babies...our babies!!!

Fert Report

Yesterdays egg retrieval was different then what I expected...it was at the doctors office but in a side wing down a creepy hallway and in a little room. All the nurses spoke a mix between English and Spanish, but if they weren't talking directly to me, then it was in Spanish. Made me feel a little uneasy because I didn't know what they were saying, but overall they were very nice. They put you in this horrendous chair that has leg braces (way worse than the regular obgyn stirrups). We brought a pillow from home for the surgery but it somehow "blew up", Tyson grabbed it out of the car and their were feathers everywhere, so he had to tie a knot on the pillow case, and that made me laugh. It could have been the 3 Valium I took before the procedure. They told me I shouldn't feel any pain during the retrieval because I would be sedated. They put me under local anesthesia but it wasn't strong enough. I could feel every move the doctor made and tears were streaming down my face. Then suddenly and thankfully it all went black. The next thing I remember is Tyson staring at me with a video camera in his hands, I'm documenting this life event with words, and he is documenting it with pictures/video, it will make the perfect memories!

Overall they retrieved 25 eggs...that's a ton (on average they retrieve 4-16 eggs). I slept the whole drive home and napped in bed...we had to wait 24 hours before we would know the fertilization report (fert report)...it was the longest 24 hours ever. I've been a little worried that the follies wouldn't grow big enough since we only had one 18 on Monday...well, the scores are in and God heard everyone's prayers:

Of the 25 eggs retrieved, 20 eggs were fertilized and are growing. We had 8 inseminated through IVF (take the egg and some around 100,000 sperm and let the sperm battle their way to the egg) of which all 8 fertilized and 14 inseminated through ICSI (embryologist selects the best sperm, one for each egg and inseminates the egg with the sperm) 12 fertilized. Now they will watch how the embryos grow and eventually form blastocysts.

I am overjoyed for our one day old embies...the pain is nothing now that I know that our babies are growing. In fact, last night we had their first party, in honor of their conception. Uncle Justin came over and cooked an amazing meal for us, and Nana and Auntie Jen came too, bearing flowers and sparkling apple juice. It was a great day!! Now I just cannot wait for our embryo transfer which will be on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Our baby is so close, he/she/they are the brightest star in our sky!

Good Luck Charm

Tonight is the night before our big egg retreival. We are both so very excited to move forward...we are staying in Miami tonight so we won't have to worry about traffic in the am, I'm so thankful for that, we need to be at the office by 8:45 am and the retrieval is at 9:30. We had an excellent sushi dinner (one more item crossed off on my to do list) with my Daddy and now I'm so tired!

We didn't have to pack much for our one night trip but I was a little perplexed...all the gird on the bump have some sort of ritual or good luck charm that they do/bring when they do this process, and I couldn't think of any, I wanted to bring Tys italian socks but couldn't find them, so we just left empty handed. Well, as I was unpacking for tomorrow I discovered that Ty and I brought the exact same really soft orange gator shirt to wear tomorrow. So that's it, our lucky charm...matching gator shirts! Yay

Gotta get lots of rest! Going to bed now, good night and goodbye follies, hello eggs to embies!

Trigger Shots = Last Shots, YAY

Hurray!!! We finally got some good news today, I was cleared for my trigger shots, which are the last injections I take to get my eggs ready for retrieval. The egg retrieval is scheduled 35 hours from the trigger shot...so we need to be in Miami bright and early Thursday morning.

Last night I woke up to belly scratches and the sound of Tyson's voice talking to the follies and telling them to grow, and it worked (it was definitely one of his sweetest moments ever, he even sang them a lullaby). My ultrasound revealed one size 18 follie and two 17s and a handful of 16s...so we need these follies to grow...there is still time and they had me take an extra shot of menopur (drug to help them grow) this morning...the more large follies the more chances of retrieving a mature egg and creating a strong and healthy embryo...which translates into a strong and healthy baby Franco.

All these drugs have caused side affects that will not be missed...but it's going to take a while for my ovary swelling to go down, I'm not exaggerating when I say I look like I'm a good 2 months pregnant, I can't even wear pants to work in the morning, I've gained an official 5 lbs, although I feel like it's all in my chest...I'm a little worried about how big my boobies will be in the end, they are already so sensitive and painful, but it will all be worth it, every last pound I gain, I just can't wait until I actually have a baby in my belly to blame it all on, for now I'll just blame the injections. A good side affect, the prenatals are making my nails super strong and I'm having excellent hair growth.

So tonight I will say goodbye to seeing needles and alchohol swabs covering our counters. You have taught me courage and showed me strength I didn't know I had, but you will NOT be missed.

The journey continues and we are that much closer to the beautiful end...

Another day

Good thing I wrote the plan down in pencil yesterday, b/c once again plans changed...I had one follie grow to 17 but we need them to be at 18 to contain a mature egg (and we need more than 1 in order to increase our chances of having a strong embie to transfer). So now we will have to move the egg retrieval to another day, Thursday...which means more injections tonight and tomorrow night should be my Trigger shot. My doctor is still being positive but I'm starting to worry...they can't extend it any longer because the longest you can wait is 12 days (12 days of stimulation), so I'm not sure what will happen if we don't get multiple follies to grow to 18, I'm thinking it would be canceled and we would have to start all over again. That is my fear.

I'll keep holding onto the HOPE that tonight, my follies will grow and grow and grow. Thank you for all the prayers and continued support. The good news is the risk of hyperstimulation has decreased (I think). My doctors appointment is at 9 am tomorrow morning...I will find out more then.

Now, I think I'm just going to put my ovaries to sleep early tonight. Good Night <3

God's Plan!

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11

You can't fight God's plan and his timing is much better than mine, but ugh, do I want to try! Just when I thought everything was under control in my ovary world and that our plan was set in stone...the plan changes. If only God would tell us ahead of time so I could be prepared for the change of plans it would be so much easier...but He is a mysterious God.

Tonight was supposed to be my Trigger shot which would have meant that it would be my last night of injections and Tuesday would be my egg retrieval day. Unfortunately, my follies didn't grow to be as big as they needed to be...we need them to reach 18 cm to contain a mature egg, I had five fifteens as of this morning. It's such a double edged sword, they took me off of the follistem medicine for 2 days because they were concerned that I would hyperstimulate, which could then cause me to ovulate early, my ovaries to twist, and also decrease the chances of my embies sticking. I have also been put on a no activity type of bed rest for the next couple of weeks, it's work and then straight the feet up position. No cooking, cleaning, ironing, vacuuming, sweeping, and even no dogs on the lap...I never realized how much stuff I do during the day until I can't do it anymore. Luckily, my hubby made some emergency contacts...first to my Mom for food support, and then to a cleaning lady. My Mom showed up the first night and made us the yummiest dinner ever and then we even got breakfast the next morning. The cleaning lady should be here next week, which is actually really exciting!

So tonight we will pray that the follies grow and my ovaries stay relaxed...and tomorrow morning will be great news at my doctors appointment. And if all goes according to this plan, Wednesday will by my egg retrieval and tomorrow will be my last night of shots. YAY!

But who knows, I'll keep it written in pencil just in case...

Growing Pains

I wonder if there is a defining moment in life, where you realize that the person you used to be has changed into someone you always wanted to become...I've always wanted to be successful in my career, my marriage, and in mommy-hood. As I look back on the last 5 years of my life I can see this transformation, from a girl that "just wants to have fun" to a women with responsibilities and bigger dreams than ever before. I've climbed from the very bottom of the food chain in my career to a position that carry's a little more leverage and respect, a good Friday no longer consists of nightclubs and bars, but of dinners, board games, movies and a clean house, o how I love the feeling of a clean house...even though it never lasts! Initially, I wanted to be successful and make a ton of money, a few years later I wanted to have a fairy tale wedding and marry my prince charming. I always knew I wanted to have a family, in fact, that is the exact reason I never pursued law school at 22, I didn't want a nanny to raise my kids, whenever that day eventually came. And now, at 27, I've had my fairy tale wedding, I'm married to my prince charming, and I want more than anything to have a little baby Franco, with big eyes and long eyelashes (like Daddy) Boy or Girl, I'll take what God chooses to bless us with, but please God please let this work!

I've never understood why some people react to our desire to be pregnant with negativity and say "you're so young" "you haven't been married that long" "you should wait" "I didn't have a baby until I was 30"...what is it we are waiting for exactly and why do I need to be 30 something before some people view it as an okay decision. We don't need time to party (been there, done that), I'm established in my career, we have traveled the world and actually want to adjust our life for a "party of 3"...we are ready. I really don't care what anyone else think, as my hubby and I like to say "it's us against the world". But I am SOOOO over hearing others opinion of "you have time". I know not everyone views being a parent in the same light as I do, but give it a break and just be happy for us.

The tricky part about changing is I'm not the only one that has changed, and sometime its so hard to watch relationships evolve into something that I never imagined it could be. Growing up and growing apart are never easy. The IF (short for infertility) process really shows you who your supporters are. I'm not sure if people just don't know how to react and they therefore ignore it all together, but the lack of support from some people truly is amazing...from the very beginning I felt like I had to justify why we are seeing a specialist to some people. We heard everything from we are trying to hard to we aren't trying hard enough. And I love the "you're just stressing about it, stop stressing and you'll be pregnant" explanation. I knew there was something wrong and when we received the doctors diagnosis, it was almost a relief to show that I wasn't crazy...and then, we were given a solution to our problem, IVF.

So, is this the part where I realize some friendships have officially grown apart? I don't know...but in all honesty it hurts when friends don't ask any questions about where we are at in this process. I feel like this is the time in my life that I need friends more than anything, and it surprises me to see who stepped up and who has brushed the entire thing under a rug. I will be forever grateful to the ladies in my life who have listened, they could not always relate, but they definitely listened and loved me though it all.

I love the person I'm becoming and have big plans for the Mom I want to be...I know I'll make it though this journey with the support of my wonderful hubby, family, and those friends that truly care. I just need to weed out all the negativity that people bring to our journey and always look for the silver lining.

And tonight's silver lining is my hubby...because through this process he has learned exactly when he needs to hold me and remind me that I'm his best friend and that he cares, that he reads my blog, that he's researched the issues, and that he loves me~

Ovary Overdrive

It has been a few days since I last posted, so I have a lot to catch up on...mainly my overactive ovaries. Apparently, they are responding so excellent to the stim drug that they are now worried I could hyperstimulate. The funny thing is, in my last post, I said I wanted lots of follies, well, I got that, I have over 40 follicles growing. That is somewhere around twice the amount of normal ovaries response (per some blog post I read)...thank you polysystic ovaries! If they do hyperstimulate I'll be put on bedrest for the remaining portion of my cycle and into the first few weeks of pregnancy...so PLEASE calm down little ones, my pelvic can't take much more, as the follicles grow and continue to create more, my ovaries are expanding, my nurse called it ovarian stretching...seriously, my ovaries are stretching? She said my "little pelvic" (I love that she called it little) can't handle the growth which is why it's causing cramping and bloating...the difference between this feeling and the feeling prego women experience is the timing, when you are pregnant and your uterus grows it puts pressure on everything around it, but it has time to grow and stretch, in my case right now, it happened overnight. Some women have said that the bloated feeling never really went away and that their pants stopped fitting before they even became pregnant, O NOOOO is all I can say to that. However, I think my appetite is shrinking so maybe that will make up for the bloating...these are the things I think about all day long...It's so hard to do everything else that needs to be done when my brain doesn't want to think about anything else...

The newest medication that I'm taking looks like a pen and is injected below my belly button on a smiley face line (did I already say that in another post?) Its a lot of medicine and it burns going in and makes me feel really weird after. I can't do this one to myself, and the other night my resident dr was in class but I was lucky enough to have Aunt Jen around to give me the injection, Thank God! She did an excellent job and she ended up having to give me two because we had to change pen cartridges, she is going to be the best auntie ever and I'm so thankful for her support, especially helping me through all my ups and downs of emotions...I <3 her so!

On a side note, I thought this was so sweet...Ty is really excited about this whole process and every now and then he surprises me with little snippets of baby knowledge he has picked up along the way - the other night he informed me that if we had twins they would never be on the same schedule, when one is up, the other would be down, etc...so it's a good thing he doesn't need much sleep, we were also discussing where we would put a bassinet in our bedroom (we are big planners). Our king size bed takes up most of the space, he recommended putting the bassinet on his side of the bed...so now he gets to be the one that wakes up every few hours for feedings, not to sure how that would work out...it was funnier when he said it. Well, as much as I would love to type all night, I have to get back to studying. 4 more days of injections, yay! I'm so special that I get to go in every morning for blood work and ultrasounds. They need to make sure I'm staying on track, so I have an appointment with the most wonderful nurse in the world bright and early tomorrow, and Aunt Jen is coming so she can meet my follies on the big screen...it's a date :0)

Follies...Check!

Everyday is something new when you venture down the IVF road...no matter how much I read, there is still something to learn. I've been reading a lot about follies lately, but it didn't really register until it actually mattered to me, which was today...at my Ultrasound...laying on an OBGYN table isn't as terrifying as it once was, it's become such a regular occurrence that I am strangely growing used to it. And even stranger, it's a very relaxing feeling staring at my ovaries and uterus on the ultrasound screen, you can see so much of my reproductive world and you can even see an artery pulse. The lights are dim and I feel like I'm getting a preview of what's to come, I can actually imagine seeing a little peanut inside of my peanut (my uterus looks like peanut to me).

Today's ultrasound was the best one yet...my Nurse Connie even gave me a little *waohoo* once we were complete. What my ovaries looked like today determined if we were allowed to start our stimulation tonight. I am on day 2 of my "." and we needed all the cysts that normally form on your ovaries before your "." to be gone and we wanted Follies to appear. Connie explained to me that every woman formed follies in their ovaries during their natural cycle and your body selects one follie to grow and form an egg (this is my understanding, definitely not the medically reliable definition). The remaining follies go away and you ovulate an egg, so in IVF we want lots of BIG FOLLIES that will eventually turn into eggs, with the help of additional medication. I naturally created over 11 follies on my own, with no stimulation drugs, that is wonderful news. I was cleared to being stemming (using the stimulation drug gonal-f) tonight between 7-9. Now I'll be taking an injection in the morning in my upper thigh and an injection at night, in the smile line below my belly button (three fingers below the belly button and draw a line, I can inject anywhere on that). I'll be doing this for the next 10 days with multiple doctors visits in between to make sure my estrogen levels are good and my follies are growing and multiplying. I feel like a pin cushion, but Connie is wonderful about drawing my blood and so thoughtful. She is the best, so it's not too bad. Plus, it's always great to hear good news, and we are cycling textbook perfect so far...YAY!

The downside of my day - I had a minor breakdown tonight, the "Gonal-F" I was supposed to inject was MIA, I couldn't find it anywhere and by the time I called to my hubby for help, I was in tears...but he came to the rescue, we determined that we received the generic name so that's why I couldn't find any medicine called Gonal-F. The thought of not being able to complete the cycle because we didn't have the medicine to start tonight was heartbreaking...even after the medicine was found I couldn't stop the tears...I want this so incredibly bad. My hubby held me and told me it would be all right, then he called me "Supron" his new nickname since I started the Lupron...he got me to laugh and then he stuck me with the medication. It burned going in and their is a lot more medicine being injected then with the Lupron...hopefully the pen shot will get easier. For now, I think I'm just going to lay in bed and rest. 10 more days of this torture and the real joy and physical pain will begin...I swear, this should be called the "Pre-mester" with all the limitations that are put on us IVFers and side affects that we experience.

But to end the post positive, I knocked off 2 things on my "to do list"...I had a girls night last night which was so wonderfully fun...went for Mexican, laughed a lot, and then imagined the baby's room and new kitchen (we have to have a new kitchen before baby/ies come, ours is rotting and falling apart). It was the perfect night, and my girlfriends are so excited about being aunts...they made me feel so special. And before we went out I had laser hair removal, now I won't be a hairy prego, thank you Magic Touch Laser!

The week has flown by and I have a feeling the next 10 days will be even faster! I can't wait for August 8!

Injection Leakage

This mornings injection did not go well. I've been doing my own injections for the last 4 days b/c when my hubby was giving me the injection it started to burn. I'm not sure if it was because he pushed the needle in to far, or what...my Doc said that the burning sensation was normal, but it doesn't burn as bad when I do it, so I took over being my own brave doctor. Everything has been going fine at the injection site, except for today. When I pulled the needle out a droplet of medication leaked out, I wiped that up and a second drop came out. After wiping that drop up, the grand finale was a drop of blood. I've put a call into my Doc but they don't open up until after I'll be at work. So that means I'll be packing up my medication, needle, and cleaning alcohol and heading to work. Could I be so lucky to have to do second injection this morning, at my office? I've done injections in as few strange places including a hotel bathroom floor and a tent, but this will top my list. I guess when IVF calls, it doesn't wait for anything.

*sigh* I would really just like to crawl into bed and sleep the day away, my throat is starting to feel a little scratchy, that could be because we've been sleeping with an extra fan at night, the house is 71 degrees but I'm hot? I usually get hot easy, but I beginning to think the medicine is giving me hot flashes too!

Hmm, after a morning like this, I think I deserve Starbucks...before I can't have caffeine too!

UPDATE: Spoke to my doc...I hit a capillary blood vessel, it can happen. But no worries, I'll just bruise. Yay! I don't need to do another injection, and I got Starbucks :0)

To Do

The days are ticking by faster than I thought they could and the reality of our future pregnancy is starting to fully sink in...which means my list of things to do before my embie transfer is growing and starting to overwhelm me. I have so many plans and not enough time...so here it is (in no particular order):

1. Get short-term disability insurance (I've been working on this one for over a month but don't think it will happen, which is totally and completely stressful)
2. Get my hair highlighted
3. Go cave diving in Ginnie Springs (did that this past weekend with my hubby, it was amazing. We had a mini camp vacation, it will be even better in a few years when we can share it with our family)
4. Have a girls night (or 2), get a little tipsy, try on cloths that won't fit much longer, gossip about things my hubby will never understand (it's a man thing, it's not really his fault) and discuss my future life as a mommy
5. Study as much as possible for my CPA (before my first trimester and all the fun I hear that comes along)
6. Make homemade cookies and eat the dough without ever baking the cookies
7. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN (organize closets, file important paperwork)
8. Have an amazing sushi dinner full of sashimi and some raw oysters
9. Find a new OBGYN
10. Make Lots of Money Money Money (that will always be a priority)
11. Get laser hair removal so I don't turn into a hairy monster (thanks PCOS)
12. Blog! (I've been wanting to blog everyday, but have been to busy, and then to tired)

Hmm, this list doesn't seem as long and overwhelming as I actually feel right now...but with my CPA exam scheduled for the end of August, I don't have time for anything but studying. I've decided to take the most difficult test next, and am on a serious time crunch to get in all the review. I guess words can't always describe reality. There is just something about knowing that sooner than later it will no longer be my body, and it will no longer be just me and my hubby. It's surreal really, most parents don't get this feeling. It's more of a wait and see game, but for us, now, it is a time set in stone. A commitment, it almost feels like I'm pregnant already, but more along the lines of a 11 month pregnancy...This feeling is more exciting than anything, but at the same time a little scary because we want to bring our little one into a safe and healthy environment but we can't change the world, we can only better ourselves and prepare to be parents. So for now, we will take one day at a time, and pray for our miracle.

Side Effects

Today was the third day of my injections and I'm happy to report, my hubby finally got to do the honors instead of me...it's good to be home!

I'm not so sure how I feel about this medication though...some women have said they experienced a "lupron fog" that didn't lift until they completed the medication, they also referred to it as the devil. My nurse said it would make me feel PMS times 10, not looking forward to that at all. I've been waiting for "something" to happen, but now I'm not sure if I've just talked myself into thinking I'm having side effects or if they are real (but I think it's real). I've had 2 injections in my right leg and on the second day my leg felt achy. So today I used the left leg, but now they both are achy. It feels like growing pains in my upper leg extending into my hips. No matter how much I stretch it won't go away. I've put in a question to my resident gurus (thebump.com community of women struggling with infertility) and I'm waiting to hear back if they've experienced this too. I'm also completely bloated, so bloated I look pregnant (seriously almost debated taking a pregnancy test even though I know that's not possible - I never give up hope). I hate feeling this way! Then I had to deal with more insurance issues and our wedding album debacle.... I need a pick-me-up ASAP. It also doesn't help that my hubby has taken up doing everything possible to make us more money and he will be married to his computer for the next...who knows how long. So tonight, I'll be going to bed alone...sad. I'm not complaining (or am I), I'm so proud of him and tomorrow night I'll be joining in the study session. He is wonderful, just more wonderful when I can snuggle him :0)

I guess today was just one of those days that its easier to cry than to hold it all in...but I am holding onto our future and will stay strong. Just when I was feeling helpless, one of my best friends sent me this reminder (and she had no clue how much I needed it):

Isaiah 40:31 - But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Hmmm, maybe the PMS is kicking in....

I DID IT!

YAY!!! I officially did it all by myself! This morning was my very first injection, I prepared everything just like I was taught and woke up an hour early (not by alarm) thinking I was already late...I feel back asleep until 7 when my hubby called and woke me up for the big day. My very first injection took place on the bathroom floor of the Biltmore Hotel (don't worry, I laid a towel down for hygenic purposes). As I cleaned the medicine bottle and my leg I started to feel a little nauseous, partly from the smell of the alchohol and partly from my own fears. Everything was ready but as soon as the needle touched my skin I hesitated with fear....luckily I had my husband watching through Skype, and as corney as this sounds, he said "You can do it Soph, do it for Baby Franco, just do it for Baby Franco" so I did, I stabbed myself (I know it sounds a little dramatic but that's what it felt like I was doing) and injected the medication. It really didn't even hurt, but my heart was racing. I have one more day of doing the injection on my own and they my hubby can do it, thank you God! I don't think it will be so bad when he does it to me.

All day today I was waiting for the side effects to kick in, apart from being lulled to sleep by all the convention speakers, I feel fine. I don't know if I can blame that on the medicine or my lack of attention span. The nurse said the major side effect is PMS times 10. Yay, can't wait for that to kick in, I'm sure my emotions will really start to rollercoaster. Luckily my husband is ready for it...lol.

Night Night, so sleepy.

Insurance Scare

The IVF process is a very time oriented process, I received a 2 month calendar with my "plan" mapped out. Everything has it's set day, and you can't miss it. The last injection medication I take must be injected 35 hours before the egg retrieval, they tell me the exact time and their is no cushion. I'm not the most planned oriented person, I was never good at taking a medication regularly and no matter how many daily planners I purchased and resolutions I made to use them, inevitably I would write in them the first 3 days and forget they ever existed. In fact, I just changed my desk work calendar from April to July. (This is partly due to the fact that I had so many files on the calender that I never could see it).

But this process is changing me (with the help of iphone applications). I've put all my doctors appointments in the calender and it reminds me, I've been using a fertility tracker for the last nine months so now I can tell the doctors everything they ask about my "Aunt Flow" and they always want specifics. I have my calender with the dates and times of medications, the first injection, Lupron, MUST start Monday morning between 7 -9 am. So the last 3 days have been filled with phone calls to pharmacies, our insurance company, and Connie (my wonderful nurse practitioner).

The pharmacy calls started on Tuesday, 2 different mail order pharmacies called to verify information. But Connie didn't want us to order them without performing a sonohystogram first...she wanted to make sure the doctors liked my uterus and that we would be cleared for IVF, which makes sense because these medications have a short shelf life and no return policy. I got the go ahead to order the prescriptions on Thursday. When I called the pharmacies to complete the process, I was informed that my insurance denied the claim on 13 prescriptions. My mind started racing with all the ways to fix this issue. IVF is not cheap, the process alone is $10,000 with no insurance, and that doesn't even include the medications. We have been so blessed with wonderful health insurance, seriously wonderful, that the thought didn't occur to me that it wouldn't be covered. Plus, I called the insurance company 3 times to verify coverage before we decided to do IVF, and was informed we have a $20,000 lifetime maximum infertility benefit. Then why was this happening? We don't have the extra money to spend and how was I going to convince my other half that we should still do it right now. Not that he wouldn't want to continue, but he is a little more logical when it comes to money. Where as I would probably sell everything I owned to move forward with IVF. Thankfully, it didn't come down to that. I called our insurance company and they explained that our coverage isn't under pharmaceutical but medical, and we had to go through their pharmacy Teledrugs.

Remember it's Thursday, I have to receive the Lupron by Saturday so I can start it on Monday. Teledrugs couldn't fill all 13 prescriptions in that time, and they don't normally split the prescriptions. I spoke with a supervisor and they told me they could and it would be here by Saturday for sure. Friday rolled around and I got a call from Teledrugs saying they needed some sort of authorization from my doctors office before they could send the Lupron, (umm hello - what is a prescription for if you need additional authorization?) This phone call came before my CPA exam, I tried to reach my doctors office but went to voicemail. I knew I would get a call back, but my exam was 3 hours and I had no phone. Before my panic mode fully struck in, my husband told me to forward my calls to him and he would handle it...thank God! The stress I was feeling from my exam was more then enough, but then to add possibly not getting my medication in time, which would postpone my IVF plan, was practically a freakout. We ended up having to order and pay out of pocket for the Lupron, but I'm very happy to report, I received the medication on Saturday (after another minor freakout late Friday night when I realized I had not received the tacking number by email). I really can't fully describe the sinking feeling that was starting to settle in my heart at the thought of not getting the medication in time...it's amazing how much I'm set and ready for this process to begin. The thought of post-ponement was like someone taking away my favorite thing in life...hope. If I'm really honest with myself, I realize that I've already set my heart on IVF working, I've actually planned and thought the entire pregancy though (mapped dates, trimesters, etc...) but I'm scared sh*tless that it won't work the first time. I know that if it had been postponed it would still happen, but I'm so thankful that tomorrow, Monday, July 10th will be my very first injection (even if I have to do it to myself in a hotel room way too far away from my husband). I know I'm doing this for my babies and that God will give me the strength and courage to do the injection on my own. Well, it won't be completely on my own, modern technology will allow my husband to walk me through it by using Skype.

So I'm sure tomorrows post will be full of all the details of how I conquered my fear and successfully completed my first of many injections!

Drop Off

There is nothing more unromantic than having to do a semen analysis, not to be too descriptive, but the time constraints make it that much worse, it has to be dropped off within an hour first thing in the morning. That leaves about a 15 minute timing window between getting it to drop off at the doctors office and my hubby having to get to work, talk about pressure. But we successfully dropped it off this morning and heard great news, my IVF panel of blood work came back and everything looks good, so we can move forward with injections on Monday. The first out of 13 prescriptions should be arriving on Saturday.

I am so EXCITED but also scared of what the next month will hold (side effects and scheduling)! Every time I think about how close we are I get goose bumps. My brain won't stop thinking about it, planning, imagining, dreaming...My transfer date is set for 1 month from today, 1 more month and Baby Franco is conceived! I wish I could open my eyes and it would be August 9 and all the shots would be over. Where's a time machine when you really need one?! As I was leaving the doctors this morning partial song lyrics came into my head and have been ringing all morning...

"When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me "
- How He Loves - by David Crowder Band.

The words are so powerful and a HUGE reminder that God is in control, that this is his plan...there are so many times that I have questioned if I did this to myself, if I could have done something different...why can't it just be easy. Those inner demons are the worst part of this experience, and there have been days that I have let those questions take over...but I can't live in that belief. While I know that I have not always made the smartest choices, I can't blame myself. I believe that this experience is preparing my Husband and I for life, it is making us a stronger couple, exposing each other to our most deepest desires and teaching us how to better understand each others pain. We are preparing for the next stage in our love story. ..Our children will always know that we fought to bring them to life!

So for now, we will take it day by day, and hold on to every positive things the doctors say! (my uterus looks great, my hubbys swimmers should be framed, blood work is normal , we are young enough that IVF should be a success) Thank you for all your support and love! We couldn't do it without having a team of cheerleaders!

IV What?

I'm going to skip over the last 9 months of testing and get to the good part, what does IVF mean for us? Infertility lingo can be a bit overwhelming and honestly confusing, so I'm going to explain this in my words (or my interpretation of what the doctors have said and what I've learned from reading others experiences)...

Basically, IVF is the big guns, this is where people who have tried everything (for their specific diagnosis) and still can't get pregnant end up. You can think of IVF as an instant baby solution. For some, it's not so instant, and they have to go through multiple rounds of IVF before they have success. We are praying that we will be blessed on our first round - which the doctors think is a huge possibility based on our age and overall health conditions, YaY - great news! I don't want to give the wrong impression, IVF isn't some easy quick fix, it is very draining emotionally, financially, and physically...so with that being said, here are the basics

The IVF cycle is about a 2 month long process beginning with blood work - lots of blood work. I'm surprised my fear of needles hasn't gone away at this point, it's amazing how much blood I've had to give in the last 9 months...but it's all for our miracle, so I endure the torture (serious torture resulting in fainting and seeing stars), besides, the needles are only going to get worse.

The next step is to start an injectible drug which begins on Monday. I will need to take a shot in the thigh everyday for the next few weeks, this will prevent me from ovulating early, then I will start Stimulation. During stimulation I will need to take 2 more injection drugs which will help me ovulate multiple eggs. The goal is to produce as many eggs as possible. Then comes the egg retrieval, my doctor will go in and remove all the eggs from my ovaries. They will then combine them with my husbands sperm and the magic begins...after 5 days my doctor will pick the 2 strongest embryos and will implant them directly into my uterus. The remaining healthy ones will be frozen in time for later use, modern science is truly amazing. And Yes - I said 2, it is completely possible that Baby Franco will be Babies!! We just need both of the little embies to stick and twins it is!

10 days later we go in for the big pregnancy test, and pray for a positive. That will put my due date to the first week of May! YAY

I'm so incredibly excited and nervous all at the same time. The first day of my shots I will be out of town and will have to administer them to myself. I know God will give me the strength and courage to do it...the love and hope we have for our future babies is empowering, it's what keeps us moving forward. And faith that God will bless us with our little family.

So now, I must get to bed, I have a big CPA exam in the morning, not as exciting as IVF but we have so much to look forward to!

It's offical!

This is the story of our journey to conceive, documented for our future babies so they can know the love that we have for them before they ever existed. I will use it as my journal, to document my personal experiences and the emotional roller coaster of overcoming infertility. I always knew I wanted to be a Mom, but never imagined how hard the process could be. At 26 my biological clock is at it's prime and my internal Mommy clock is on overdrive. Baby fervor is an understatement. My calling in life is to be a Mom, and every month that I pee on a stick and see the negative sign my heart hurts a little more. This type of pain is the worst, nothing people say makes it better, and it feels as if no one can understand unless they have experienced it first hand. I'm not complaining, each person's path is different, but sometimes I just want someone to cry with me and acknowledge the struggle, rather than tell me it will be fine. My family and most of my friends have been very supportive, but sometimes words aren't enough. People so easily assume so much, I've been told by multiple people, including those who don't know us or our medical history,"to stop stressing" and "just relax". The honest truth is this situation has not negatively affected my relationship with my husband, thank you God! If anything it's brought us closer and taught us how to handle each others emotions. I am so blessed to have him and his support through this process.

So the big news of the day is... we just left the doctor's office with a stack full of papers on medical prescriptions (that's a whole nother topic) and a plan for In Vetro Fertilization (IVF). This is huge, and it's our very first solid step to you!!! I'm so excited and hopeful!

Baby Franco is a twinkle in our eyes! Lots more to come!